Girls are mean but smell really nice

The following is a introduction to the majority of my life, I’d like to make it clear, This is a painfully truthful article, don’t expect wonders with spelling because this isn’t a easy on to right. This has shit about drugs love and general life if anything easily offends you or makes you place judgement, don’t carry on reading.

Alright, well this is going to be fun, let’s start off simple and easy, 2010, What I’d like to call the beginning of my life, this is the year that set of a long line of interesting events. Actually before i start, let’s have a introduction to a introduction, Basically this is my complete overview of the last 3 years or so, This will include a lot of truth, I’m not softening it only the bare facts, I’m not keeping anything to myself, life is about free speech, why should I care about who reads this, if anyone’s going to know me they may as well know me for who I am, the real me.

Well I’m 17 we all know this it’s already been fucking stated. I’ve left school & quit collage and now work as a IT apprentice in marlybone… I was born and bred in Wales, south Wales to be more specific, grown up out of the way of all other civilisation.. What great effects that had on my people skills. Yep blah blah no one gives a fuck about this introductory shite.

2010, The year that marked the beginning..

2010 in itself was a interesting year, I would go into detail but unfortunately due to the world of drugs, this year’s been erased from my mind, 2010 was a year of simplicity, The start of my player characteristics to a extent, My whole life has been surrounded by isolation, a lot of people disregard players as bad people, people out there for personal gain, Yet, have you ever thought why a person is like that? I bet not, Well I’ll explain why I am… My life started in Wales, and we all know how shit Wales is on a good day, well imagine living in the mountains, 30min away from anything? Welcome to the beginning on my life, my parents where a funny couple, my dad, the greatest guy, someone I truly look up to, and my mother? I love her to pieces, but she’s overprotective and over analytic, she had her own theory that keeping me in isolated houses and villages with no other contact was the way to brining up a good idealistic son, in truth? It makes a person socially awkward, deprived of the opposite sex, lonely, quick tempered, a lack of social skills and no sense of the real world.

This was until I was 12… It caused more problems than I need to bother mentioning, what’s worse… After all this and then finally moving into a town where I had more freedom than I hoped for… I was enrolled at a single sex school… Single sex schools in my opinion should be outlawed, they cause countless problems, Boys by nature are rowdy and brutal, a school of 800 boys causes an unbearable amount of friction, Boys by nature compete with each other, if someone’s good at something, you rip the shit out of him, if he fucks something up, you rip the shit out of him, there’s no middle, girls are needed to level this out, Girls create a element of distraction and a focus point, Without this, there’s no structure and everyone just tears into each other, every year getting worse and worse because you get more and more sick of each other, hence why in year 11 so many people get kicked out, because it gets to such a point where some people are a genuine danger.

Now I’ve slowly gone off topic… It all boils down to a life of isolation, loneliness, instability in my family, a mother that’s controlling and a father that puts money over all else.. It made me desperate for attention, for love. This desperation led into addiction, A addiction of love, of the opposite sex, The thrill you get of a new relationship, off a first kiss, it’s addictive, this is what a player is, a player is not someone who intends to go out and cause pain and grief, its someone whose led whatever life they have and cant control his addiction. Mine ate away at me for a period of time I can’t even imagine, The pain that is caused to going through countless relationships without allowing yourself time to get over your ex.. its unbearable, it eats away at you, it makes you lose all perception & appreciation of love, it makes you empty, hated and lonely. But you still can’t stop going, in the end you have 5 relationships that led from one, yet your still in love with the girl you went out with from the first but you was genuinely interested in the other 5, but then it all boils down to, you’re not over the first one but now she hates your fucked up guts and would prefer to see you in a car crash than speak to you, Players by nature are self-destructive, the amount of pain I’ve caused myself.. i cant even put it into words.

During 2010 i met a brilliant little fellow, one of my first best friends, a geezer that’s nice, generous, king, thoughtful and would put some else above themselves to help them, Adams his name, a guy I didn’t really know until i started my IT course, ever since he’s been a big help to me, always been happy to lend a helping hand if times where shit, He’ll probably never know exactly how much i appreciate everything I’ve done for him, If he needed a new lung, he can have one of mine, there fucked but it’s the thought that counts. During the end of this year marked the beginning of one of the hardest periods of my entire life, Many who know me well enough know exactly whose name will be mentioned next, Jenn, Now I got kicked out and disowned in September the months between then and the day I asked Jenn out where the very worst of the worst, a battle against social services, the police, my mother.. I can’t even go into these few months, there at the back of my mind, far out of reach, and I’m gonna keep them there. Now anyway… This girl… I knew her for absolutely ages… She was one of my first major crushes, In my eyes she was exceptionally beautiful, Kind, funny, she had everything i looked for, i longed for her, spoke to her for months and months watched her be with my best friend at the time, a painful situation.. Finally I asked her out, on her birthday, the 20^th December…

This my beautiful readers… Was the beginning to something if i knew previous to that magical questions… I would have run away and hid in a hole… The first few months… Absolute perfection, she was everything to me, I would have probably married her given the chance, there was nothing I didn’t like about her… then my past caught up to me.. i fucked up on the worst day imaginable, valentine’s day.. We broke up, ever since then there were ups and downs but nothing was ever the same again, I carried on fucking up, no idea how I did to such a massive extent, if I could see what i was doing back then.. I would have been screaming at myself to stop… yet I couldn’t it got to such a point where she hated me, hated me with such a genuine and never ending hate, But it didn’t stop at her, Her friends hated me, her family hated me, I got threatened by her dad, and i lost a fair amount of respect.. Regardless of my relationships after Jenn.. It took me many months to get over her, she was someone I constantly longed after, constantly wanted and would have done anything for, The hate caused a series of problems for myself, I became a isolated alcoholic, my dad in prison and my mum disowned me, so I lived alone in a once again isolated house where I didn’t really do much but drink vodka and smoke weed, this had a direct impact to my school life, my grades dropped dramatically, I was in counselling that ended up being relationship counselling, I Ended up being short tempered, aggressive, lost all focus. Then something happened, something brilliant,

On April the 14^th I went out with a girl named Harriet, She was my life, someone I cared a unbelievable amount for, in my eyes she was absolutely perfect, everything about her is exceptionally beautiful, so easy to get along with and the kind of down to earth person that attracted me more than a pound of heroin to the biggest gear head going. I put everything into that relationship, yet to my disbelief I fucked up majorly… Once again… Everything before, even with Jenn paled in comparison, the depression & Desperation that set in afterwards was overpowering… Mind blowing… Completely out of all contexts… I tried to move on, but I couldn’t there’s always that one person which you long after no matter what, we were at each other’s throats every day for the next 2/3 months yet every second I was thinking.. I want you. This caused a new level of hate, threats from all over, a widespread hate from the girls school opposite the boys school, and widespread grief from my own school, to such a extent my life became a very simple yet destructive hole, I was so desperate to get back with her I disregarded a lot of my friends and slowly moved back to alcoholism & consistent smoking.

Now we can safely say those two events in my life where heartbreaking matched with no family apart from my brother, being practically homeless, the reason i cant give brilliant specifics on this year is because my life was on autopilot, I got out of bed, did my shit, got home, drank, slept then the exact same, for nights on end, no one really witnessed this to a brilliant extent, Now why was i homeless? When my dad went to prison I lived with my mum, but me and my mum have a bad history of aggressive arguments and it got to such a point where I simple can’t be in the same house as her for an extended period of time without one problem or another. I suppose another reason for this was a lucrative shoplifting habit and a disregard for rules and limitations…

Now a event I missed out, 30^th/31^st December 2010, These two days where the beginning of a different branch of my life, isolated away from my main events, I met everyone from Stondon and became on very good terms with a lot of people who I’d now call my closest friends. The 30^th was my first house party, a brilliant yet relaxed event, one that happened on a spur of the moment, The next day we went up to Stondon for a new years, where I then went on to meet more people and then did the mile and a half walk completely wanker’d singing ‘Our House, In the middle of fucking nowhere!’, the weeks that followed where a mixture of gatherings and housepartys.

My Dad returned, a interesting event to say the least, with the events of the previous months of deprivation and gatherings meant that the house was in a state of complete disrepair, those next few days mainly comprised of my dad finding something new to shout about, some shit I found after my house parties was truly weird, At one my friend Katherine and her boyfriend at the time, Joss, decided to create a mosaic on my tiles comprised of playing cards, I had my mate Dan fall out of my bathroom window and onto a concrete floor, and another time of smashing up a rocking chair with a pretty massive axe.

Now let’s skip forward a bit I’m on 2,000 words already and only halfway through…September 2011, A brilliant time, finished mandatory schooling, now in a life of options and opportunity, Alot of people say there’s no opportunity anymore, Bullshit, it’s absolutely everywhere, if you want a job, you can get one, want a A*? You can have one, what you achieve is directly proportional to what you put in with the only variable being luck. Between September/December last year I went through college and followed a normal life of anyone in my age range, attended college occasionally, did my side job to get money for drugs, alcohol and dates.

Towards the latter months of this period i got progressively closer to a guy I’d happily call one of my best friends, Bellworthy, a brilliant mate to say the very least and someone that has been a brilliant addition into my life, Without him i admit things wouldn’t be as good as they are. Also During this period I dated a lovely girl called Megan prevett, someone that was a real impact on my life, my life was unbelievably stable and was actually going very very well and i personally was very happy, she was the first girlfriend after all previous events that meant a incredible amount to me, everything went brilliantly, there was routine, stability, happiness and trust, all the things that for me make up a ideal relationship, then we both fucked up, hurt each other incredible and fucked each other around more times than i even thought possible.

I was very unfortunate during this because in 2011 my ‘bad’ attributes and going from girl to girl where fading and by the end of December had completely vanished, I expect because I was subconsciously getting fed up of my self-destructive nature. Regardless of the events after that relationship, it was a brilliant one to say the very least. During December i went on to meet another girl, From Cornwall… Her name funnily enough, Megan… basically lived 6miles from lands end… a distance so far she would have been closer if she lived in France… I was confronted with a choice, either just be friends with her or take the plunge and payout a hundred to meet her… It’s fair to say i took the plunge, a plunge similar to jumping off a cliff into a roaring bubbling sea, there were so many reasons for it not to work, so many reasons for it to hit rock bottom. But it didn’t, it became a brilliant relationship but it came to end a couple of months after… But what was different? No fuck ups, there where ups and downs but that’s natural, but I didn’t follow my reputation, instead it was a fairly mutual agreement that the relationship was coming to its end, it became more me doing the ending, but where good friends, one of the few of my ex’s that I’m still even on talking terms with…

2012! Well this year’s been a interesting one to say the least… after leaving college i had to sort something out, and on my travels back from Cornwall I applied for a IT apprenticeship in London, little did I know that I would be doing complex IT work for a brilliant company my life was just getting better and better, the start of 2012 was a mark of the beginning of a wonderful year.. little did i know there would be a few downs.. One of which..

Methoxetamine known as MXE or Mexxy (a name me and Bellworthy came up with, which was latter used in news papers when it was banned) This drug was the bane of my life. It was legal, cheap, and fucked you up harder than a gallon of beer and a bottle of absinthe. It’s basically a supped up version of ketamine (Horse Tranq). I lived on this drug for the majority of February. It caused me to be in a hole for the whole period, MXE causes long & short-term memory loss, low/med level addiction. Its effects? All loss of reality. And it lasts for a good 5/6 hours on one line, never mind the amount I ended up on which i took regularly every day morning, daytime, evening and before bed, it was something i practically lived off.. well that and a handy jar of nutella, joyner joined me on this brilliant journey, MXE was introduced to me by his merry self, a month long journey that we can both happily admit we would never ever like to revisit. I was becoming more and more ill, i barely ate, one meal a day max, some days I didn’t even bother eating, the house was becoming more and more of a crack house and there was no focus left in me to attempt anything, After I stopping taking MXE, I became ill, very ill in fact.. I couldn’t cope and didn’t actually stop taking it, I had to carry on, if I wasn’t on it i was putting all my energy trying to stop myself from blacking out. The effects of MXE I still suffer from? I’m unable to remember a vast proportion of my life and I’m short tempered. However, eventually it started running dry and the bans came into action, this helped majorly, then I got my position in London at which point i realised that if I didn’t stop fucking myself over then I’d loose this amazing opportunity, so i sorted myself out, buckled down and 100% MXE Clean. Now I’d like to take this opportunity to say, hard drugs don’t play a major part in my life at all, in fact I don’t do them apart from the odd occasion. I believe only something natural like cannabis should be taken advantage off. And I’d also like to say, Don’t touch MXE, its awful.

Now, A introduction to me as a person, Regardless of the above, I care a great amount for the people in my life, My friends are my family, my past habits are non-existent, the learning curve I’ve been through during the last few years has been a truly unique and amazing experience that I doubt i would change for anything even though there were some truly shit times, If I could change on thing, what would I change? I would change the outcomes of the majority of my relationships, I would never go near mxe, never consider regularly drinking spirits, but I suppose no one plans to do any of the shit above, shit happens and then we die.

Expect the worst, Hope for the best.

Previous Introduction, Feel free to read it its got a lot of extras to this: Click Here

I would like to pay special thanks to the following people:
Alex Bellworthy, Adam Wearing, Abi Stoppard, Lola keeling, Megan Lee, Coral Newman, Megan Prevett, Harriet Page, Sophie Needham, Rosie Wade, Dec Bruce, Leann Stollenwerk, Solomon Wade, Joss Dynes, Katherine Schouten, Amber Thorpe, Jenn Hulse, Shannon Reed, Noonoo Elnemr

I’d like to say thanks to these wonderful people and everyone else thats been in my life, you’ve all had a positive impact on my life in one way or another from helpping me through something particularly hard, to beeing there for me everyday for a long ammount of time, some others are therefor simply being there for me , for being supportive and friendly and showing a genuine intrest in me. Thanks